I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
