i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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