i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
