Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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