he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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