I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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