PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
