i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
