I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
