I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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