Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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