Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
