Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
