Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
