just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
