Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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