no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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