Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
