He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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