i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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