you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
