You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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