Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
