Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
