the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
