the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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