i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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