Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
