But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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