he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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