Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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