shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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