Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
