I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
