I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
