please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
