no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
