It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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