but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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