Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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