She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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