ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sponge bath it is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
