Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
