Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
