Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
