If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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