I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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