Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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