bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
