Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
