Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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