I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
