you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Pooping to opera.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
