Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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