dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
