Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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