i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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