Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
