and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
