I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
