I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
