Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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