For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
