I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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